My Husband: Schleprock
I think it is time that I introduce my husband. He is back on Chincoteague Island duck hunting this weekend and I got a call from him mid-afternoon today.
I didn’t think the call was from him. It was not the ring tone I have set for him (Buy Me a Boat by Chris Janson). It was not his name or number on my caller ID. It was not the right time of day for him to call.
I answered because it was a local number so I assumed it was probably a reminder call about an appointment. Instead, I hear my husband on the other end. Let me just stop right there and start calling him by my nickname for him – Schleprock or, Schlep, for short.
Also, to add a disclaimer before I go any further, I love my husband dearly. He is considerate of my feelings, does anything I ask him to do, and is my biggest supporter. He is definitely my rock on this wild ride called life. So, I mean all of this in good fun.
Soon after we married, I realized I married Schleprock. Do you remember the fictional character, Badluck Schleprock, from the 1970’s Hanna-Barbera animated TV series “The Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm Show”? Well, that is my husband. He is Schleprock personified. Since the show was in the ’70s, I’m pretty sure that it isn’t based on his life. However, I am positive that Schleprock is living on in my husband’s body. We have been together about 30 years so I have loads of examples. I will share a few before I get back to today’s call.
Ducks and Aerodynamics
Schep and I have an ongoing disagreement about what items can be stowed on the boat while trailering it back and forth. He believes that just about anything will stay on board despite the many times we have had to stop along the road to pick things up that have blown off. Over the years, I have given up and let him pack the boat as he sees fit.
A few weekends ago we went to Chincoteague Island so my husband could duck hunt. He had a very good weekend and got his limit both days. As we were packing to go home, I noticed that he put the cooler with the ducks on the front of the boat up against the console. About half way home, the cooler and ducks took flight and landed all over the highway. I can only image what the vehicles behind us thought when they saw dead ducks flying through the air. He managed to retrieve them all and only two ended up as roadkill. To my credit, I didn’t say “I told you so”.
New Garage Doors
Shlep has a bad track record of backing the boat trailer into the garage doors. Some of the people in our neighborhood actually know him as “the guy who backs into the garage doors”. Right before Christmas we purchased new garage doors and installed them ourselves. That didn’t go quite as planned so we had to pay a garage door installer to fix our mistakes. Then, right after Christmas, old Shlep tried to back my less-than-a-year-old vehicle out of the garage without opening the door. Enough said.
Today’s Phone Call
Okay, so back to today’s phone call. Schlep took a swim in the Atlantic Ocean while trying to retrieve a duck. To set the scene for any future readers: It is January, it is cold, and, if you missed it earlier, it is THE OCEAN. Granted, he hunts in a channel but it is still the ATLANTIC OCEAN.
Here is what he learned today.
- His brand-new hunting coat designed for warmth also acts as a weight.
- It is impossible to put your feet down to stand up when wearing a heavy coat without being drug under water.
- How to get to the only laundromat on the island.
Fortunately, he had someone hunting with him to help fish him out and get the boat back to the dock and on the trailer. He waited to call me (from a borrowed phone since his had a salt water bath) until he was dry and warmed up.
I gotta tell ya’ though, Schlep is not a quitter. He was headed back out for more hunting. If only he were that tenacious about getting household projects done.
Can anyone relate? If you have a Schleprock in your life, let’s hear about it in the comments. Remember, if you like this post, please click the like button.